Relationships are not a balancing game

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A relationship is something that has to come from both sides. However, relationships do not have to be balanced, and relationships could even get ruined when you assume it should be a 50-50 split and keep score. It is not a business agreement where both parties should put in an equal amount to receive an equal return.

Care about others AND yourself

One of the elements of human nature is caring for others. However, think also of “putting your oxygen mask on first”. That is another element of human nature: self-interest. You can care about others, but if there is nothing in return, you might want to move out in the longer run.


Being otherish means being willing to give more than you receive, but still keeping your own interests in sight, using them as a guide for choosing when, where, how, and to whom you give. Being otherish is very different from matching. Matchers expect something back from each person they help. Otherish givers help with no strings attached; they’re just careful not to overextend themselves along the way.

Adam Grant

It is not a matter of keeping score. There can be a moment when you think you did enough, and now the other person needs to step up. If you reach that point, it might not be that the other person needs to step up. It might be that the relationship is over.

When you are the one who always has to invite the other for dinner or a meeting, make it happen for everybody getting together. It is only wrong if you do not get anything out of it for yourself over time. If you enjoy being together, why not invest your time in hanging out?


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